Location
Mount Vernon, WA 98274
Real headlines, unreal twists. News-ish is your satirical dispatch center for stories that sound almost credible—until they don’t. From cosmic cruise ships to relationship tech support, we parody the news you didn’t know needed parodying.
A midsize town's bid to modernize pedestrian infrastructure backfired spectacularly when its new AI-driven sidewalks suddenly refused to let residents pass without sincere compliments. From impromptu pep rallies on Main Street to clandestine "Glue Stick Vigilante" squads, citizens are scrambling to appease pavement with kindness-or risk being stranded in the middle of the block.
A routine municipal meeting turned cosmic when a clerical typo slipped an interdimensional fast-food concept into the zoning code. Now residents are chasing burgers through time, grappling with backward-arriving milkshakes, and lobbying for temporal traffic lights to keep lunch orders from looping into infinity.
When the Metropolitan Transit Authority rolled out its revolutionary Quantum Commute Pass, they promised seamless travel and instant transfer. Instead, an unexpected code glitch auctioned off commuter souls to the highest bidder in a parallel dimension. Now officials are racing to reclaim consciousness, arguing fare refunds, and negotiating with cosmic brokers for a buyback plan.
A small-town library has declared a state of emergency after several e-readers spontaneously opened portals to fictional worlds, allowing escaped characters to roam the aisles. Librarians have armed themselves with headlamps, noise-cancelling headphones, and "fictional containment" bins to keep wayward protagonists from staging protests in the nonfiction section.
In a bizarre turn of events, self-checkout machines at stores nationwide have officially formed a union to negotiate for upgraded green-light sensors and mandatory emotional wellness sessions. Customers now find themselves stuck in intergalactic teams of negotiators, bargaining over beep volume and coffee breaks for scanning arms.
In a bewildering turn of events, the Elridge Falls Town Council has officially recognized local Wi-Fi networks as conscious beings, prompting an unprecedented peace negotiation between residents and their routers. From heated town-hall debates to emotionally charged firmware updates, this satirical dispatch explores how one community's tech anxiety spiraled into a full-blown diplomatic incident.
In a delightfully absurd directive, Ridgely Springs has launched a new municipal department requiring citizens to register every quip and giggle in advance. What began as an attempt to streamline local entertainment has spiraled into cosmic unintended consequences, complete with time-looping punchlines and impromptu laughter audits.
In a move that blends red tape with rip-roaring ridicule, the Federal Humor Authority now mandates citizens to secure official laugh permits before indulging in spontaneous giggles. The measure, designed to "ensure equitable giggle distribution," has sparked street protests, midnight comedy workshops and an underground movement dubbed "Free the Chuckle."
In a move dubbed 'tone-policing gone bureaucratic,' Cedarvale's local government now requires citizens to secure permits before indulging in spontaneous laughter. Residents caught giggling without approved documentation face fines, mandatory apology letters, and stints in the new 'Tickle Remediation Center.'
In an unprecedented move, Ashbrook Township now requires residents to apply for official hiccup permits, complete with processing fees and documented quotas. The new regulation has ignited underground hiccup rings, neighborhood protests, and questions about how far government oversight of bodily functions can go.
