Location
Mount Vernon, WA 98274
Real headlines, unreal twists. News-ish is your satirical dispatch center for stories that sound almost credible—until they don’t. From cosmic cruise ships to relationship tech support, we parody the news you didn’t know needed parodying.
A small-town council has passed the Sneeze Licensing Act, requiring residents to register and pay for every nasal explosion. Citizens protest black-market pepper raids, pollen smugglers, and sneeze overdraft fees in this satirical look at bureaucratic overreach.
In an unprecedented display of civic oversight, Briarwood Township has mandated that all inhalations be authorized through a tiered permit system. The new regulation has spawned hour-long queues, DIY oxygen workshops in backyard sheds, and a thriving black market for unlicensed air supplies.
In a move hailed as both visionary and deeply exasperating, Meadowbrook's City Council now requires every resident to secure a permit before engaging in any eyebrow raise, smirk, or eye-roll. Citizens must submit detailed sarcasm logs and pay a nonrefundable filing fee-prompting protests, interpretive dance petitions, and an unexpected surge in DIY sarcasm workshops.
In an unprecedented ordinance, Westvale Council has declared laughter a regulated commodity requiring official permits. Residents must submit recordings of their chuckles, pay fees, and attend comedic training, sparking protests and impromptu giggle-ins across town.
In a move that has residents clutching stopwatches and rubber boots, Parkridge's town council has passed the Water Feature Participation Act, requiring every adult to spend at least fifteen minutes per week at the central fountain. Critics call it an Orwellian stunt, but Mayor Dunbar insists it will restore social cohesion in the digital age.
In a stunning display of bureaucratic bravado, the Pinecrest City Council has decreed that every citizen must obtain a Reflection Interaction License before peering into any reflective surface. What began as a routine council session escalated into a full-blown mirror revolt, complete with clandestine reflection salons and midnight raids by self-appointed "Reflection Rangers."
In a bewildering turn of civic priorities, Pinehurst officials have deemed any public gargling session a regulated activity requiring an official permit. Citizens now face fines, secret compliance meetings and a burgeoning black market in DIY oral rinsing-all in the name of "sonic hygiene."
In an unprecedented move, the Peachtree Falls Council has classified daydreaming as a controlled substance, demanding residents obtain official permits before indulging in unauthorized mental wanderings. Citizens report lines at the permit office, black-market flashback traders, and surprise "dream audits" popping up around town.
In a move that has residents rubbing their eyes in disbelief, Blinkton's city council passed an ordinance requiring every citizen to obtain a blinking permit and log eyelid movements in a government database. From underground eyelid-weight black markets to midnight blinkathons in the town square, locals are mounting a spirited pushback against what they call the most farsighted piece of legislation ever enacted.
In an unprecedented move, the Ravenwick City Council voted to require every resident to obtain a blinking license and adhere to bi-hourly eyelid quotas. Citizens accuse officials of micromanaging involuntary bodily functions, leading to black-market 'blink clubs' and protests demanding ocular freedom.
